Balance.
For the past few months I have been trying my best to come to terms with what this word means to me. I have constantly struggled with what "balance" is and how to achieve it, and with this struggle has come many nights of unwarranted stress, anxiety, and misery that I really can't afford to have in such a short and unpredictable lifetime.
It is a story that has been told many times before, and yet it is a story that unfortunately stands true for me also. I have always endured a complicated relationship with food from a young age; yo-yoing between being overweight and underweight in a never ending cycle of deprivation and binging that I am not entirely proud of.
In my experimentation with dieting I have experienced food restriction, being vegan, begin gluten free, being dairy free and so on. All that has resulted for me out of such restrictions is an unhealthy and unnecessary relationship to what I consumed. And in consequence, I achieved the one thing I was trying to avoid with these restrictions: I was living an unhealthy life.
I will be completely frank; I have dismantled the "plant based pescatarian" label the kept me so confined. I was consumed with an obsession to live a healthy lifestyle and I wasn't realizing that I wasn't providing myself with the proper nutrition
my body needed.
Now, I'm not here to say that eating plant based or vegan is wrong, or not nutritiously rewarding to some. I believe it can be a noble diet, and I admire those who are strong enough and dedicated enough to defend and maintain their beliefs.
Again this is my personal experience. And like many others, it was not a lifestyle for me. And no, I don't think I am selfish for admitting that.
Because for the first time in my life since I was too young to worry about what I ate, (good times) I have found true happiness. Not the type of "happiness" that was forced in order to hide habits that actually constituted overeating or not eating enough, but actual happiness where I no longer feel ashamed for what I eat, where my portions are what they are meant to be, and where I eat in moderation and not deprivation.
In fact "moderation not deprivation" has become my new motto with regards to food. I don't restrict, I eat to nourish my body, and I eat to live balanced. I have never been so healthy emotionally, physical, and psychologically, and it is all accredited to my decision to never deprive myself from foods that are not "clean" because it has dairy, gluten, or meat.
I consider myself an athlete who aspires everyday to push my body to be the strongest and the fittest it can be, and I have body composition goals that are met with the proper nutrition. Basically I eat for fuel and I eat to grow stronger. I don't starve, I eat my needed protein, healthy fats,
and yes carbs (and a lot of them) in order to meet those goals. I no longer exclude any food groups from my diet, and I never deprive. If I want to eat a piece of cake I do, and if I want a big ole' burger, then best believe I eat that too!
For the past few months I find that flexible dieting and counting my macros have lead me to find a physical and emotional sucess that I had never been able to fully uncover before. It is amazing how much I have learned about nutrition and how our body uses what we put into it after broadening my mind.
I believe life is too short to constantly be worried about what I eat. It is too short to spend hours crying because of a horrible self image. Too short to worry about not eating out with my family or friends and enjoying life because my diet doesn't allow me to.
I still eat for health, and I still strive to reach all the micro nutrients my body needs to survive and thrive. But I have walked away from the obsession of not eating certain foods, I have walked away from the restriction that caused me and those around me to suffer, and I have embraced a life free from labels.
If happiness to some means eating vegan or plant based, then by all means continue what works for you! If happiness to others means eating your servings of fruits and veggies but also enjoying a piece of chocolate cake, then by all means enjoy your life!
What is important is progress not perfection, nourishment for a healthy body, mind, and soul, and moderation not deprivation. Life is too short to not live the life you want to live. What life do I want to live? I want to live a happy, healthy, and balanced life... and I shall as should you!
And with that I sign off,
XO,
Adri