Summer Lusting...

It is mid July, and I am suddenly struck with the harsh realization that summer has hit a midpoint. My whole year awaits on the fresh and ease of a summer breeze, and yet I feel as though it is seemingly stringing through my fingertips; escaping my desperate grasp to hold it dear forever.

Why is it that we await something, it arrives, and then it is gone within a sudden blink of an eye? It is an inevitable truth of reality.  I have been summer lusting, and now I hold a certain sincere fear that these days will vanish before I truly enjoy them.

Yet that is it exactly; I am so preoccupied with the thought that my summer days will end abruptly, that I forget to truly enjoy them. My mind swells with all different ideas and possibilities for these few months, that I overwhelm myself with all that I could be doing rather than all that I am doing. When I realize that I haven't committed an action to an idea self planted in my mind, I feel as though I am wasting the days away.

That has always been a problem of mine. I stress my future to the point where it no longer becomes appealing or exciting. I drown in the memories of the past, and over complicate the actions of my future. I become stuck in between what was and what could be, and I find myself forgetting the what is.

What is occurring in this very moment. What is now.

As an avid dreamer, it becomes difficult to withhold my mind from enveloping itself in a realm of all the possibilities to come. I contemplate every scenario, every moment that hasn't even happened yet. I plan my future with such sincerity and dedication, all with the perspective of "one day". A perspective that can be both a motivation, and a danger.

A danger because it can be so incredibly easy to find ourselves lost in a sea of "one days". Today is not adequate enough, so it is up to tomorrow. Yet tomorrow becomes inadequate also, so it becomes the next day. A year passes, and we still trail behind the thought that "one day" things will change, "one day" things will get better, "one day" we will begin a new journey.

My biggest battle is embracing today. I am a natural dreamer, so drifting off into an abyss of the future to come will always be apart of me.  It comes to a point, unfortunately, where I would rather ponder all the possibilities of tomorrow, and leave the seconds of now to waste away into the untouchable realm of the past. 

I have to remind myself that although it is a beautiful thing to have hopes for what is yet to come, it is also vital to my health to simply let it be. I have this desperate yearning to control every aspect of my life, and plan out every moment of every tomorrow. This lust for control distracts me from living relaxed and settled in the present. I am sure I am not the only individual that is sucked into an overbearing anxiety and stress over the future; over the fact that seconds are at a constant mission to pass. What do we get out of such stress? How does our future look any brighter, by ignoring the present?

It does nothing but inflate our minds with a notion that we can never achieve what we work everyday for; we become overwhelmed that there is no use. 

Every day, I want to wake up and have no worries that time is passing by. I don't want to spend another day trapped in my dreams and aspirations. I wish to use these dreams, these crazy ambitions, as motivations, not thoughts that anchor me to a made up life I have created in my head. 

Each moment of our lives is so precious. There is no telling what the next minute brings. A minute can just be another minute, but is also all that it takes for lives to change forever.

I need to remember the importance of not wasting a second of each moment right now to thoughts of the what ifs, and the what was. 

My new motto has become to work hard and enjoy the present. Have inspiration, have wild dreams, crazy aspirations. Never let those go, because that is what ignites a spark to commit to something amazing. Allow those plans for the future to be a guide rather than a distraction. While you work towards what you want, enjoy each second. It sounds so completely cliché, yet it is something I genuinely struggle with, and I have no doubts others share the same struggle. There is nothing more known than what is happening right now; a devastatingly forgotten notion for a reason I know not.

I don't want to strain myself with thoughts that summer is halfway over. Instead I wish to transform my perspective into one that is overwhelmed by the fact that summer is here. It is now.

I have been summer lusting, but I refuse to allow a certain unfulfilling atmosphere to continue to swallow my days. So again I revisit the question: Why do we await something,  and then it passes so quickly? Maybe if we halt all focus on awaiting, we'll realize that it; that time, doesn't pass so quickly at all.

And with that I sign off--XO Adri